Now what?

I haven't posted in a while because I have been extremely upset. As it turns out, I did not get into grad school. I got really close to being accepted to UCLA, but, ultimately, I didn't have enough "experience." Funny, because I am not sure how to get it now.

I have spent the last two weeks trying to figure out what to do. I need a place to live, a job, and at least a whit of direction. I can't even think about school right now; I'm too burned out by academia. My self-identity, which has always rested heavily on my academic accomplishment, has taken a severe beating. I am realizing that because I was so focused on getting through school as perfectly as possible, I have lost every single hobby and extracurricular interest I ever had. I am somewhat dull these days, to put it nicely. If you asked me what I "do for fun," I would have to politely decline answering.

Every day is a struggle for me right now. The hours just strain slowly by, as I sit here at my laptop in a mental fog. I really feel that I have reached out to everyone I know, and no one knows what to tell me. I think I am one of those worst-scenario cases who makes people cringe and feel grateful it's not them..."Wow, that girl just has nothing left. Everything fell apart for her!"