I have always been anxious person. I think that anxiety fed into my eating disorder, my eating disorder fed into my anxieties, and, before I knew it, fear had taken over my life. Part of my large-scale approach to ED recovery has been to tackle specific anxieties that I have. The other day, I started to wonder if maybe other ED sufferers have some of the same non-ED-related anxieties I do. In the past, I have gone out of my way to work around my anxieties and to keep them hidden from people I know. Part of it was because I thought I could not possibly add to my already-long list of publicly known anxieties, but part of it was because I thought I had some strange fears and that no one could possibly understand them. I am going to list some of the ones I that I have been embarrassed about here, so that if you share any of them, you can know you are not the only one!
1. Fear of driving
Even before I had my bad car wreck 5 years ago, I was anxious about driving. I did not get my license until I was 17, and that was only at my parents' urging. This has been such a huge anxiety for me that I have literally deprived myself of friends, jobs, and opportunities that required me to drive somewhere that made me uncomfortable. So, lately I have been taking on more driving, and my anxiety is actually diminishing. I think this particular anxiety will get better the more experience I take on.
2. Fear of spontaneous outings
If I am going to get together with other people, I have to know exactly how long the outing will last and exactly what we will do. I am not one for "hanging out." Needless to say, this is not how most people operate, especially college students. My unwillingness to just allow things to unfold spontaneously has severely limited my ability to make friends. My new attitude is that if someone invites me to do something, I am just going to do it. I am hoping that, eventually, I will actually be able to enjoy hanging out with people.
3. Fear of sleeping somewhere besides my own bed
Ok, this one I have literally had as long as I can remember. I was not a child who liked having sleepovers. I even got anxious about sleeping in another bed when family came to visit. I am not quite sure how this anxiety originated, or why it has persisted so doggedly, but I certainly wish I could be more relaxed about sleeping in different beds. I am not sure how to fix this anxiety, as it has never gotten better, but I am hopeful that it will. In the mean time, I am not going to let this anxiety keep me from visiting friends or family.
If any of these anxieties resonate with you, I will include more later!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
This makes sense. I am afraid of failing, afraid of sleeping at random houses of people I don't know or am friends with, afraid of trying new things (and afraid of staying in old habits), afraid to trust people as friends, afraid people might judge me by any of my various disorders... anyway, you're not alone. This is Sheri, and I fear so many things but I try not to let them cement my life into an unhappy little box. I haven't kicked them yet, but I can bend the walls, so to speak.
ReplyDeleteEmma,
ReplyDeleteI too had a fear of driving - I hesitated getting my permit and then pretty much refused to get my license until my mom and dad ( which this was a big deal for them, seeing as they were separated ) took me to get it. I would freeze up when I got behind the wheel and, at times, I would work myself up enough that I started having a panic attack. I'm okay with driving now - but it took a while. Especially after I had like 2 wrecks in less than a week.
I don't like when I don't know the plan of things either. I like for things to be specifically laid out - and when the plan doesn't go right I have a really hard time just changing my mindset. I just get upset, and esentially shut down. I have a great deal of social anxiety too - so I suppose that it feeds the other anxieties I had regarding being around people in any capacity.
I never really had a hard time not being in my own bed - although I do enjoy it quite a bit. I do get homesick quite easily - I miss my mother too much. But being away at school, and learning how to use Skype changed that. I have anxiety about CLEAN beds - I know where this comes from, but it's a very very very deeply rooted fear. I won't sleep in the sheets at hotels because I am not convinced that the bedding is truly clean. If I think that someone else has been in my bed I would rather sleep on a bare mattress than sleep on contaminated sheets - but all that said, I'm not a germaphobe.
Hope that makes you feel better about your anxieties - I don't find them weird at all.