Isolation

I hate everything that anorexia has done to my life, but my least favorite outcome of the disorder has to be my isolation. When anorexia first began to unfold at age 17, I found myself trying to get out of a lot of activities and functions that involved food. The whole "senior year of high school" thing was pretty much shot. I didn't even get my yearbook signed that year because the signing was in conjunction with a cookout. At my class's senior dinner (a mandatory gathering of students, parents, and faculty), I got so upset over having food on my plate that I didn't want to eat that, at one point, my father just reached over and put the lasagna on his own plate. Predictably, I began to lose the few friends I even had, due to the fact that it was difficult for me to leave my house and risk upsetting my food routines.

During college, I had even fewer friends than in high school. Every time someone would invite me to do something (and trust me, EVERY activity involves food in some way), the anxiety and panic would set in as a tried to weigh the food-fear factor against the possibility of actually being with people. Rarely did I agree to do anything. I battled with myself mightily, but I just could not get over the fear of the unknown (when, where, and what will I eat?). People gave up on me, of course, and I just wrapped myself up in my disorder and my succession of boyfriends.

Now, I am out of college, unfortunately not headed for more school (at the moment, at least), and without a way to really meet people. I am so much more willing to take chances with eating and even feel open to some spontaneity, but I am living in my own little bubble of a world. Shouldn't there be an eHarmony for making friends?