Second-guessing

I have had a lot the think about following the tragedy at my Alma Mater. My biology department was small; so it was inevitable that I knew everyone who died, the injured, and the shooter herself. I am grief-ridden, and I do not how to mend all that has been broken both inside of me and at my school. Yet, unbelievably, in the face of this immense tragedy, I have learned a value lesson about the futility of second-guessing.

I struggled with anorexia when I attended UAH, so I was not able to make my experience as full as I might have wanted. I did not take a lot of the classes I wanted because my maximum workload capacity was diminished due to overwhelming fatigue from starving. I did not work in one of the biology labs at UAH.

I am so glad I didn't.

Up until Friday's shooting, I have hated myself for decisions I made in school. Now, I see that every decision I made was self-preserving in the long term. I almost worked in a killer's lab. I could have worked in the labs of any one of the people who lost their lives and been even closer to the biology department.

I have also regretted graduating in the winter instead of the spring, as I have found myself in a lull before going to graduate school this fall. I could still be attending UAH, and I could easily have found myself forced to reenter the Shelby Center in the aftermath of what happened there.

The point I am really trying to make is that it never does any good to question whether or not you made the "right decision" in the past. I thought for a while that I had made a lot of bad decisions, but now they all seem right. You just never know.