The unspoken suffering

I think there is a lot wrong with how anorexia is treated by doctors and other professionals, but I think one of the worst tragedies is how once you've successfully gained back the weight, you are somewhat "off the map." It does seem to me that many doctors consider weight "a sign" of your health. That has most certainly not been the case for me. If anything, the most difficult part of my recovery came after I gained the critical weight. It was as if I was suddenly fixed-- but inside, I felt just the same. For me, the fact that I no longer appeared to be anorexic was an added indignity. It was not that I wanted to look like that again; it was that I wanted everyone to know that I was still suffering. I resented comments like, "you look so healthy!" because I felt anything but.

The fact is, once you have regained physical health, you are no longer easily identifiable as someone suffering from an eating disorder. That's actually great! It is now within your power to choose whether or not to tell your story and to share how you still struggle. I advise telling as many people as is comfortable. I have never regretted telling someone. Now no one thinks I am magically "fixed" but at the same time, I am no longer a walking label and I have the power to choose who knows about what I am feeling inside.

The most important concept I would like for you to glean from this post is that your body is not a reflection of your mind. You do not have to be emaciated in order to justify your inner suffering. I promise that if you share with the people lucky enough to be in your life, you will no longer feel that compulsion to "match" body and mind.