I'm back

Things are better than when I signed off a few months ago on a hiatus. Sorry that I dropped off the face of the earth-- I had a non-anorexia-related health scare that has since been resolved.

Some things have changed since I last wrote. I am living in a new apartment, enjoying the fact that I finally have a place I can call my own. The ghosts of the past that flitted palpably about my old house are gone, and, in fact, I am making quite an effort to stay healthy in my new place so that I do not create bad memories or set unhealthy precedents. I have noticed that the first few weeks of living in a new place unavoidably set the tone for the entire duration of my time there. If I were to restrict right now, for example, I would associate my new apartment with restricting, and it would be quite tricky to eat healthfully here. That is a major problem that I had living at my mother's house the first half of this year. I developed anorexia in that house, I almost died in that house, and I will forever feel slightly haunted in that house by my ED past.

Another thing that has changed is that I have grown to love interning at the radio station. I am actually becoming comfortable with calling people, scheduling interviews, recording myself--all things that make me anxious. I even participated in making a promo video for a pledge drive the station is having at the end of the month. I have always dreaded the thought of seeing myself on film. Mirrors are pretty testy, but there is nothing like seeing yourself in 3-D. I am proud to say that I did not engage in any ED behaviors after watching the video--a major accomplishment.

Some things are the same. I am still not making money, and I am still worried about finding a job. I have put out feelers at my internship to see if they might higher me after the summer is over, but it seems that they do not have the funds. It is public radio, I know, but I would love to be able to get a little bit of money for my effort. I am also still missing school. It makes me wistful to think of how I might have been going to graduate school this fall. School was and is the only thing about which I feel confident and accomplished. I know that it is of course not too late for me to go in the future, but because I do not have any solid plans now, it seems less like a reality.

I will try to write regularly again. Thanks to those who stuck with me! :)